ORIGINAL DEMOCRAT JOKES - UNCENSORED
You'll only read 'em here
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We need some humor: A Muslim socialist won the democrat mayoral primary for the office of Mayor of New York City. America’s largest city. A socialist.
The man, Zohran Mamdani, is 33 years old and has never held a real job. You can read about his depressing background here. I needn’t belabor it. But with this next anti-American, anti-Capitalism, anti-democracy, anti-Constitutional Republic politician, following in the footsteps of a man he’s being compared to (Obama), one has to wonder where this country will be in a few years’ time. Truly.
I wonder if I’m the only one to note that if you reverse two letters in his name, and drop one, you get MADMAN?
We need some humor: Here are some jokes about Dems. I wrote them. They’re original (so far as I know and can remember). Sometimes, given what that treasonous party has become, you have to take a break and laugh.
Q: How many Dems does it take to solve a problem?
A: None. Dems don’t solve problems; they create them.
Q: Why did the Dem cross the road?
A: To see what he could fuck up on that side.
Q: My son is a socialist. He’s 26 and living here at home. Can you help me?
A: Buy the most robust Utility Terrain Vehicle (UTV) you can afford. Drive as far out into the wildest, most remote area you can find. Strip him of his phone, shoes, ID, and anything of practical use in that environment. Don’t forget to wave.
Q: What’s the difference between a Dem and a mentally deranged asshole?
A: Nothing. (Too obvious, I know, but I’m laughing even now).
Q: What do you call an honest Dem?
A: An oxymoron.
Q: If a Dem believes 2 plus 2 can equal 5, how long before his self-built house falls down?
A: Dems don’t build or work.
Q: If a man can have a baby… how much wood can a trans-woodchuck chuck?
A: We’re out of tampons in the Boys’ bathroom.
Q: My girlfriend has a large penis; what kind of anal lube do I need?
A: You’re doing it all wrong.
Q: My new “vagina” hurts. How long will this last?
A: Congratulations. You got fucked in a whole new way.
Q: My 7-year-old son’s school’s guidance counselor just called to say my son now identifies as a girl, and my son… er, daughter, wants to know when his… er, her… breasts will come. What should I tell him… I mean, her? Sorry.
A: Go to your son’s school, find the guidance counselor, and put his/her/its/ze’s head in the nearest toilet and flush.
Q: What’s the difference between AOC and Jasmine Crockett?
A: Not enough to mean a damned thing.
Q: How many Dems does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: We have illegal aliens for that. I mean, undocumented workers. I mean, hard-working, industrious, law-abiding, yet-to-be documented, Americans-to-be. And, Dems are too busy screwing you.
Q: An illegal alien raped my underage daughter. He’s my daughter’s Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion teacher at her school. They won’t fire him or report him or acknowledge that he did anything wrong. What should I do?
A: You’re not being inclusive. That, plus no one is “illegal.” What do you mean by “rape”? Is your daughter a law enforcement official? Is she able to make distinctions of “rape” from mere physical comfort and support? Can she make identifications of individuals accurately? If you and your daughter are white, perhaps she sees all “illegals” as “they all look alike”. Also, you must consider that she may be gender-confused. Perhaps her birth-assigned gender/sex (girl/female) has her resentful. You said “He’s” in relation to the guidance counselor, so I assume he’s a man: Perhaps your “daughter” is jealous of his manhood. She could be making a spurious charge. We are obligated, of course, to “Believe All Women,” but your so-called “daughter” is not yet a woman (whatever that is), so we can still doubt her word - especially in this case where we give all illegals, er, guests-and-Americans-to-be in this country, the benefit of the doubt. Stop being so narrow-minded, get some counseling, and go to an ICE protest to meet some well-adjusted, well-rounded, open-minded people.
Q: I’ve lost several former friends and even become ostracized from family members, some of them who’d been quite close, when they found out I voted for Trump. Any advice for what I can do?
A: Don’t breathe toxic mold; don’t socialize with toxic people.
Q: We have several very obvious DEI hires at work. Quality is suffering and the environment is even getting dangerous. What can I do?
A: Get a new job. Fast. But first: Honor the homeless by taking a dump on their desks. (Be discreet, of course).
Q: Our HR Director wears a turtle mask and a shell on her back and now identifies as a turtle. Is there anything we can do?
A: Wait until she, it, whatever goes to lunch. Open a box of plastic straws and sprinkle them liberally all over her office floor. Wait and hope.
Q: I have to share a cubicle with a co-worker who identifies as a male zebra. His partner identifies as a male horse. Is this normal?
A: No: Zebras and horses don’t fuck.
Q: What’s the difference between Pelosi and Schumer?
A: One is a decrepit bitch and the other is… oh, a decrepit bitch. Never mind.
Q: If a Dem farts on the subway, does he apologize?
A: Never mind, it was NYC; he’s already dead.
Q: My neighbor has an “AOC 2028” sign on his lawn. What should I do?
A: Several ideas come to mind. Does he have security cameras? Um, never mind.
Q: My co-worker believes there will be a presidential ticket of Mamdani and AOC as his running mate in 2028. Is this possible?
A: It will be the reverse: AOC/Mamdani. Mamdani is content to wait until 2036 (by which time the Constitutional native-born requirement for the presidency will have been removed). Hold it. If elected, there won’t be elections in 2036 (or 2032). America will be a part of the People's Republic of China by then, having been yielded and seized in the middle of AOC’s first term and subsequently turned into a Communist shithole.
Q: Is Tim Walz gay?
A: Does his ‘wife’ sniff burning tires?
Q: Is Obama gay?
A: Barrack or Michelle? Doesn’t matter… YES.
Q: Is James Carville ugly?
A: No. (He’s fugly).
Q: Is there truth to the rumors that Jasmine Crocket was dropped on her head by the doctor that delivered her?
A: Well, technically… he dropped her on her head, picked her up, and dropped her again. She was slippery and remains so.
Q: I know Pete Buttigieg is gay, but if he and AOC had a baby, would it be smart?
A: Go to Canada and get yourself neutered.
Q: If we imagined “pillow talk” between Tim Walz and Pete Buttigieg, what would they be saying to one another?
A: Depending on who lost that night’s coin toss, one of them would say, “Next time I get to pitch.”
Got any of your own? Post them in the comments.
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David Scott Strain is a U.S. Army veteran (HQ, 500th Military Intelligence Brigade [Japan]; 1st Personnel Command [1st PERSCOM, Europe]; Office of the Deputy Chief of Staff for Operations and Plans [ODCSOPS, Pentagon], more) and a retired Fortune500 I.T. executive (Young & Rubicam, Inc., DC-NY; Burson-Marsteller, LLC, DC-NY; ShuffleLabs, Inc., Virginia, more) as well as employment at major non-profits (Nat’l. Food Processors Assoc., N. VA [now GMA]; Water Environment Federation, N. VA, more); as well as TS contract work for clients (most notably BCP, Int., Alexandria, VA). Mr. Strain has passed three FBI background checks in association with his work. He is also the author of the novel THE GRIM GRIND OF LIFE: A PI’s Strange Bounces through a Surfeit of Eateries, Juke Joints, and Dark Doorways (2020) and A Bohemian in a Precarious Belfry - Vol. I: Poetry & Prose (2023). (Available on Amazon - Kindle and paperback). Prior, he authored the MBA-text I.T. WARS: Managing the Business-Technology Weave in the New Millennium (UofW, UofMD, others).